Micro Fiction - a whole universe in 300 words. DO NOT READ TO CHILDREN OR OLD WOMEN. OR HER.

Barry half rhymes with taxidermy. He finds this humorous. In his basement is a carnival of miniature stuffed animals. This has no link to his father’s penchant for buggery, but his animals pose in spoon-state.

Everything in t-his world exists in the carcass of a freshly tire trodden, maggot maligned,  stinking, steaming, adjectival inducing puddle that was a possum but is now a mess spewed up from the putrid bowels of our Heavenly Father. To Barry, our Heavenly Father is a short bearded man in shit stained undies with a rotund portion of subcutaneous adipose tissue - a fat man, a fickle master of a fickle world. And so Barry feels no shame for finding gratification in the vomit pile before him; if this guy can be worshipped and revered, he has nothing to worry about.

Taxidermy, derived from derma (Greek) – same root as Epidermis, the outer layer of skin. Barry dribbles mindlessly as he thinks. It’s all Greek to him. Suppose skin is what holds me together, he muses. He muses: how pretentious of him. Musing is the process of rubbing ones half-grown bearded whilst looking into the distance. (OED?)

Tour through Barry’s gallery of the macabre – 3 rats a’shagging, 2 robins performing a twisted 69, 1 rabbit doing a Prince. It’s shameful, but intriguing. Not the kind of place you’d need an audio guide, not the kind of place you’d take a girl on a date unless she had a piercing in her nipple, but a place to explore the idea of what it would be like if animals performed sick sketches as buskers. Barry pulls a tabby from a glass cabinet. He eyes it up, masturbates, falls asleep and dreams of finding a whole dead cow.

James Holding

Today we call a meeting of the interspecies conflict subcommittee at the convention of important issues facing the planet at this very moment in time.

It is an axiom universally acknowledged that a mind in want of distraction will wander gently amongst the path of crucial life questions... such as if aliens were to find earth, would they be interested in harvesting our brains for mulch or if a brown bear were to take a flight over to Africa and go on safari and thus meet a lion in its natural habitat would they fight, or share hunting tactics? And if they were to fight, who would win?

Bad Photoshop doesn't help the issue!

This line of questioning is crucial to the prominent argument of interspecies conflict. What can we do, after all, to stop the carnage caused upon the fly by the spider or the possibly devastating effect of bears picking fights with lions? Gandhi once said, when asked what he thought of Western Civilisation, "I think it would have been a good idea". And so we must say the same about this issue. I believe that had Gandhi been aware of interspecies conflict he would have gathered his super-hero buddies, the League of Human Rights Guys, peace loving super-speechifying campaigners - Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Jebus - and marched somewhere to do something about it. So it's an important issue.

World renowned interspecies conflict expert, Jim Wilson, has the following to say on the matter,

Hi, again Andrew

I'm glad to see you are interested :).

A lion can very well kill a bear let me start off by saying they have been known to kill cape buffalo by themselves and many experts agree that a cape buffalo can beat a bear more times than none. Now we both know a lion doesn't kill cape buffalo on strength, it is agility and deadly weaponry. And canines are no way more agile than cats. Felines have better reflexes and are almost always more agile than dogs. There is no way to compare a wolf and a lion. And while bears do have great stamina they are not reptiles and can not hold there breath for some what 30 minutes. I just always see lions getting behind cape buffalo by using there agility that is what a lion normally tries do against a cape buffalo is circle it and find an opening than leap on it's back. Afterwhich biting the neck. Also a lion moving at 50 mph could very well but a bear on it's back if they charge. We must also remember bears can be very intimidating when they get on there hindlegs and most experts will agree that intimidation is one of the most important things in an
interspecies conflict if not the most. But a lion with it's little fur and bulging muscles large mane and earth shattering roar is a intimidation machine this is because they where built to fight and it seems fair to say for nature to design a fighting animal it needs to give it intimidation. Bears have been known to be scared away by cougars and wolf packs a lion could get a bear quite nervous.

I hope this helps. - Andrew, did it help? Andrew, are you there? Why no love andrew?

Feel free to ask again.

PS- I take no offense to doubt questions please feel free to give me your opinion on more fight encounters and I will gladly listen to what you have to say(type).




And he has a point... a lion can go at 50mph.

So just be aware of the issue - like the greenies, the lefties, the Americans - these species need our help.

JH